Moving.. Pt2

My moving date got pushed back. So I am moving in about 7 days. This is no easy task. Where I thought this process would be somewhat easier, I find myself being very attached to the house now.

This will be more painful than I thought. Right now I get upset just thinking about the last time I close the door behind me.

Building and buying this house was such a milestone, We felt so grown up… It was a big deal. Then cancer decided it was going to join the party. If we had only known….

I wish he was here, not sick and working everyday doing what loved to do.

Well I am off to pack up my kitchen today.. The empty cabinets will make it real.

Advertisements

This morning

I went to the store early to pick up a few things for the week. I plan on spending this week packing up the house. My 14 year old wanted to eat some waffles form the waffle house. SO  I went to their for a take out. That is when I saw them….

A couple in their 50’s For some reason they looked like us.. The were sitting in a booth talking while the ate, Once in a while one of them would look at their cell phone and tell the other what message they got. Trying not to stare (or cry) I watched the women walk past me and gave me a big smile. Her husband paid the bill, and walked toward the rest rooms behind his wife. I could not help but to notice how he built like my husband. Skinny legs, but broad shoulders, and large chest.  As they were leaving the both smiled at me and said good morning. They soon left and I saw they were local.. I just really feel alone right now. This also makes it hard to just move forward.

Happy Father’s Day

To my husband and Dad. Happy  father’s day to you both. Hope someone is burning that grill in heaven.

 

This came from another widow page, I was so impressed that I threw out my Father’s day rant and put her in place of it. So here is a great thanks to “The Widow lady”  https://www.facebook.com/TheWidowLady?fref=ts

Perhaps I am a rare exception….but I don’t want to be rich, famous, or anything usually associated with great success. Instead, I want to be a person of merit, of character, and of value for myself and others. Beauty, money, fame, fortune, and all the glitz…fades. Clothes go out of fashion, hair cuts grow out, money gets lost and spent, you gain or lose weight, gravity defines skin…it’s all, transient.

A few things aren’t, and I think grief and grieving has taught me this more profoundly. I want to strive always to be the best person I can be in all definitions of my character and being. To learn always to be more loving, more giving, more patient, more kind, more understanding, and all the things the make up my character.

People who speak at my funeral aren’t going to remember the size jean I wore, but they will remember how I helped them in a time of need. If I live long enough, societies definition of physical beauty will no longer apply to me…but if I am truly beautiful from the inside out people will seek to be with me because I add value to their life.

Why we invest so much time chasing ephemeral things I will never understand. Because they don’t talk about your car after you are gone, they talk about who you were, and how you affected their lives.

May we all strive less for things that fade, and more for being the people worth remembering.

Just some food for thought…

With love, Namaste, WL To all we whose fathers are no longer with us. To all those who have have had to become both father and mother. To all the fathers who have had to become both mother and father…to you all, I wish you the absolute best father’s day possible.

To my father for all he taught me, he helped make me who I am today…

In love to all, WL

Call me odd

Strange events the past few dayss

Let go back!

My husband job often had him working overnights. For a lot of those nights I was awake, I could not sleep when he was not home and driving that truck. I would call and text him and he would always ask how come you are not sleeping? I just could not sleep. Although he never said I think he worried about that.

The past few nights I have been having dreams that my husband and I had broken up, He was not calling me, and when I tried to call him I could not. I was very distressed in my dreams, I was very upset.

The thought that he may be pulling away from me, or me him is breaking my heart. I am not ready to move on. The idea that he is not my husband or me his wife is upsetting to me.

But then the dog started acting strange…

Night before last, the dog as on my bed watching my bathroom. Ears in alert, would run in and braking at “something”. It was so odd. The house felt strange, I made up my mind it was my husband. He was in the house with me. That night I went to sleep with my hand on his side of the bed, I stayed that way all night.

Last night, Dog was barking at 1:30 last night. No reason.. Dog been acting cooky more than usual.

I am thinking my dreams are just from me selling the house. I have been saying out loud that I hope he comes with us when we move. I know where ever I am he will be.

But then I have no clue. I just do wish he was here so I can ask him myself and get an answer.

Offers

Yesterday I found out I have 3 offers that are on the table. On of the offers are a cash one. WOW! So I am going to counter because I was low balled and then all should go well after that. So now I am waiting for the paper work from my realtor and Then I am signing off. I will have 60 days, But I really do not need that much to move.

SIGH

Makes me sad to say that. I have such mixed feelings about this: I KNOW this has to be done, but I cannot shake the feeling I have about moving.

Well in Saturday morning news, I was dreaming this morning. In my dream I had went a whole week without talking to my husband, I had been busy and he was working. But the feeling had came over me that he had found another person to talk to. So when I went to pick up the phone, tried to dial his number it would not connect.  Then I woke up. I could hear the background noise of the cars on the raceway a few miles from the house and knew it was Saturday morning. I looked over to his side of the bed and saw the telephone.

I hate grief!