Life really sucks sometimes. Today will be going to my brother in laws birthday party. I always feel very guilty for attending a family function of my husband family. Partly because almost 100% of the time when they saw me, that my husband was not that far behind me. Since he died; well that is not the case any more. I know I have no reason to feel guilty; but I do. I will be happy when I get to this middle ground, “Inner peace” if you want to call it.