The ending of summer

Well it is labor day weekend. I have the pleasure of being sick. Hate being sick. I burnt my mouth drinking hot tea; so now it (my mouth) feels funny.

Well enough of my illness..

Every year we would cook on the grill, having one last cookout today, and spend the winter just having smaller ones.

Well all summer the grill has been cold; I have not used it at all. That makes me sad. I miss eating ribs, burgers and hot dogs hot from the flame. I LOVED the way he cooked his rib;. They were perfect. He is gone, and I have no clue on how to fix them myself. I guess I could take a leap of faith and try to cook them, Try to recall on how and what he did; I will see.
Today, I will cook dinner. *sigh*

In other stuff
I have been told that I am a bit of an control freak. I never knew I was like that. I do not like it, and I want to change. I want to learn how to live in the moment, accept things as they are. This journey really sucks because I do not know how to stop. I just do not know where the line is, and when do I cross it? I cannot just sit around and do nothing, I have to be pro-active in my life. They funny thing is… I still feel like I am not doing enough. My grief therapist told me to write a list of all the things I have done since Nard passed. She told me to bring it to her. Even now I have no idea on what to write on that list.

A few days ago, a friend asked me if I would date or get married. I was young blah blah blah. Short answer? No! For years I spent my teens twenties and thirties, Looking for, trying to be attached, and/or being attached to a man. I have never spent an extended time alone. I want to be alone.

One day all of these post will make some sense, or will be a complete thought. Right now they are just the ramblings of a crazy lady.
Enjoy your cookout today.


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