4th of july weekend

As of right now I have no plans. I think I will go to the beach, and perhaps cook on the grill. I just cannot sit around the house this weekend. I could do what a few fellow widows do, and cry that this will be another holiday with their spouse, But I cannot dwell. So I am going to get my hair done, and put a smile on my face and enjoy the weekend.

In thinking about the past, I got to thinking about a lot of things, here is the short list

Before I turned 30, I had told my husband I had never had a birthday party, This was because I grew up in a household that did not celebrate birthdays. He gave me a surprise birthday party.

Last year before he got sick, I had fell and busted up my knee. I could not go up the stairs. Although I begged him to go to bed, He would not leave me downstairs.

My mom told me when I had my hysterectomy, I was still “out of it” I had drool She told me my husband got a wet paper, and wiped my mouth and cleaned my face. She thought it was so touching to see him do that.

Right before my hysterectomy I was telling my husband that I was going to be on bed rest for a few weeks, and was wondering how I was going to watch t.v, Since our bed was older, and kinda low to the ground. He went out and got us a new bed and got a taller tv stand.

There are other things, one thing something Nards ex-girlfriend told me, Something he told her about me. It is very personal, I really cannot type the words yet. I just hear her voice in my mind. I will just say, I know he cared and loved me. I told this information 2 days before he passed, I tracked her down and told her he was dying, and since they had dated for 7 years, I felt she had a right to know. When I told Nard I spoke to her, I asked him if he was upset that I called her? He told me “No”

Well this morning I cleaned out our closet, I still have not started packing up his things, All of his things are hung up. One day I will get a bottle of wine ( glass optional) and pack everything up. Right now I like seeing his clothes there. I have pretty much made up my mind as to what I am going to keep, and what I will give away. It is hard to reduce a person who lived such a full life to just a few things. I know in my heart I cannot keep them all. By doing that; I will not be respecting his wishes.
I am also arranging our room, to make it “My room” Part of this process. Wanting to blog, afraid I will forgot.
Scary…

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